To My Mother -In Law

Hello,

Just a few things that are on my mind

1. I did not steal your son...he grew up and found love you should be happy (his old girlfriend was a bit of a skank and you really should be thanking me for saving him!)
2. Yes you are my children's grandmother however what I say goes...this whole "here but don't tell mommy" game is getting old! 
3. When I role my eyes in your direction generally means "I've had ENOUGH" and that it would be wise to stop talking to me....because I have stopped listening
4. When I say no cookies it means NO COOKIES
5. The children won't die if they cry for a while...They are just playing you to get what they want!
6. I show your respect you should show me some...it's just human kindness
7. Bleach is not an all purpose cleaner! See the stains on my couch for examples!
8. You do speak and understand English...don't play dumb when you get caught saying something rude and offensive and use this as your excuse
9. Yes I delivered girls but your precious son determined the sex of the children and my kids are amazing and healthy and going to grow up to be amazing individuals (who you might want to come visit you in the home I plan to put you in) so you may want to be nice
10. I have a mother who loves me unconditionally I really don't need you but it would be nice if you could pretend to like me!

Sighhhhhhhh....I feel a bit better!